Getting Schooled #2: Social Networking (Part 1)

Social networking (i.e Facebook, Bebo, Myspace, etc) are essential to any secondary schooler's social life. It's where people come to say colourful things to people that they wouldn't say to them personally, both offensively and complimentary. When combined with instant messengers, social networking can rank up anyone in the lower parts of School's social hierarchy. However, social networking and the interwebs in general can seem quite intimidating, so I've come up with this handy-dandy guide on how to make your profile/page/whatever a success.

Step 1: Creating an E-Mail account
Both instant messengers and social networking sites require email accounts to use, so the first part of this guide will cover creating an email account. You can use Hotmail, Gmail, Live, AOL, Yahoo or whatever else you feel fine with, it's the name of your email, however, that is important. You want a name that's both pretentious and personal, so you can follow these guidelines:

• Before you start making the address, you need to be in the correct mindset of spelling. Remember: You want to use the least amount of letters possible, and maximize the amount of numbers.
  
• Your address needs an intro, or a "prefix", so to speak. This "prefix" can be used to either describe you, how great you think you are, or how unoriginal you like your email addresses to be. Examples include "lil", "pro", "baby".
• Always include your nationality someway in your email. Use it in the most pretentious and over-confident way you can. And always, ALWAYS, spell it using the least amount of letters and the most amount of numbers as you can, making sure to replace the Ss with Zs. . Examples include "azn", "cro8an", "ozz1", "fil0", and "v13t"
• Now for the nitty gritty of the email address: the "body", this primarily describes who you are and what you do in more detail than the intro or the nationality. If your a boy, try to include as much sports as you possibly can into your email address. This includes naming your particular choice of sport, or perhaps your favourite club of said sport, like "soccerboii", "parrarulz", "liverpooldood", etc. Alternatively, you can include a hobby of some sort, not taking into account your skill or involvement in said hobby. For example, "shuffl3r", "gu1tarisT" "Sn1p3r". Girls, however, must make use of their e-mail bodies to make it as か わ い い as possible. Not being a girl, I don't think I can give much help here, so for those 0.2 or so females reading this guide must use their own sense of kawaiiness to decide if thier email body is kawaii enough.
  
• Finally, your e-mail address needs a close. For the close, people like to use numbers, like their year of birth, or some random number they picked out of their deep recesses of their minds, while others like to use animals, or perhaps even their own first name. A popular close for girls can be "princess", though the spelling of it can be varied.
• Keep in mind that this scaffold of an address is very flexible, and thus can have 2 intros, 2 closes, etc. Also remember to seperate your address particles by using underscores, dots, or hyphens, perhaps even a mixture of the three!

Here's an email address I prepared earlier, I decided to use the number that some observant pervert realized looked obscurely like an oral sex position for the close.
Stay tuned for the next edition of Social Networking, where I'll discuss the wonders of instant messaging!